


if you're gone (i don't know what i'd do without you)

by AmiLu



Series: Rebel Fire Ficlets [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Everyone's fine, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Russian Translation Available, Season 4 Spoilers, but beware the angst, character death is in a dream, hc-bingo entry, post s4 ep6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 02:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmiLu/pseuds/AmiLu
Summary: Vivid nightmares are the worst.





	if you're gone (i don't know what i'd do without you)

**Author's Note:**

> For kotrenten's prompt on my tumblr: 
> 
> Matt is having a nightmare, a terrible alternate reality where Keith actually committed his sacrifice. It feels so damn real - and devastating. Matt doesn't even realise that's just a vile dream at first, and only Keith's real hands pulling him into a tight embrace can convince him otherwise. Matt quietly sobs on Keith's chest for a while. The cuddling does its comforting magic, however, and Matt finally could drift to sleep, reassured that, in this reality, Keith is alive and not going anywhere
> 
> THEY'VE ALSO [TRANSLATED IT INTO RUSSIAN](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6562294) ([Jedi Cat](https://ficbook.net/authors/1365221)) (Thank you so much <3) 
> 
> It doubles as an entry for [hc-bingo on lj](https://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/)! (my first one, yay!)

“Maybe not with our weapons,” Keith says after a moment of silence, and Matt can feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

“Wait, Keith! What are you doing?” Matt demands, because he knows Keith. He knows this brave, self-sacrificing idiot, and he knows he’s about to do something stupid. Or dangerous. Or both. He looks at Keith’s position on the holo-screen, sees that he’s changed directions, and realizes what he’s about to do. He screams. “Keith, NO!”

Keith’s eyes are closed, his brow furrowed as if in pain, and that’s the last Matt sees before the connection ends.

His breath catches in his throat and his heart stops beating for an endless second, his eyes wide and fixed on the video feed of the holo-screen. There’s a buzz in his ears, he can’t think.

The weapon keeps powering up; nothing can take down those shields. And then Keith—

There’s no loud boom, just a small sparkle of light that then grows exponentially, blinding in its intensity. The ship rocks beneath Matt’s feet with the force of the explosion and Matt has to close his eyes as he stumbles backward. Someone catches him, but he can’t see them, can’t recognize them, doesn’t want to.

His cheeks are already wet with tears, but as soon as the ship settles, he’s on his feet and trying to establish contact with Keith’s communicator. It’s down, but he tries again, because he cannot accept that this is it. He cannot accept that after almost two years in space without being able to see him, he has lost Keith before they were even able to meet face to face.

“Keith! Keith, answer me! _Keith!”_

“Matt?” It’s Pidge, and Matt wants to scream. Her voice is distorted; there seems to be some kind of glitch. “Matt, I can’t contact Keith. I can’t—none of us can, is he okay?” She sounds scared, and Matt’s stomach drops in horror as he realizes that they don’t know. Keith’s team doesn’t know, they—

Matt is the last one Keith spoke to. Matt’s the last one to see him, to hear him. He’s the only one who knows what he’s done, what he decided to do to save them all.

He cannot stop the sobs, not even if he wanted to. They burst through his chest with all the pain that’s suddenly constricting lungs, stabbing at his heart. His limbs are weak and he falls to the floor, like a puppet with its strings cut, and keeps sobbing. Everything is blurry and unreal, so he closes his eyes.

“Matt?!” Pidge’s fear turns to terror, and Matt hates himself for not being able to help her. Hates himself for not being able to stop Keith. Hates the universe for forcing him into this position. “Matt? _Please!”_

“He’s…” he tries to say, but the words are stuck in his throat. They’re choking him. He’s curled over his folded legs, his forehead on the floor. He can’t do this. He can’t— “He’s gone, Pidge. He’s _gone.”_

“No. No. NO!” She’s crying now, too, and Matt feels like the worst scum on the universe. “He can’t— _KEITH!”_

There’s so much pain in her scream that if Matt’s heart wasn’t already broken, it would be doing so right now. Why? Why did this happen? How? What did he do to deserve such punishment?

“Matt,” someone says in a soft voice, gently shaking his shoulder. Matt ignores them, shrugging off their touch and huddling in on himself even more. He’s not crying as loudly as before, but he still can’t stop the sobs. His heart hurts too much. He doesn’t want to be comforted, he doesn’t deserve to be comforted. “Oh, Matt.”

There are arms encircling him now, warm and strong. A hand on his hair guides his face to rest against someone’s chest, and another runs up and down his spine in a soothing gesture. It startles him, but the person shushes him gently and pets his hair, and Matt slowly uncoils. “It’s okay, babe. It’s just a nightmare. I’m here, everything’s fine.” That’s. That’s Keith’s voice. But that’s impossible, Keith has just—

He tenses, adrenaline shooting through his veins as he opens his eyes and pushes the warm body away. He has to check, he needs to be sure—

A new wave of tears pools in his eyes and stains his cheeks. He can’t stop them.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay,” Keith—alive, flushed with sleep, hair rumpled and messy, _beautiful Keith_ —says, pushing Matt’s bangs away and clearing the tears away with his thumbs. “It’s okay,” he says again, voice soft and gentle, and then kisses Matt’s forehead with such tenderness that Matt can’t help but keen.

He crushes Keith to him again in a hug that must be painful, but Keith doesn’t complain. He just keeps soothing him with his hands and his words as Matt cries, this time in relief, until he slowly, slowly calms down.

“You died,” Matt whispers. His voice is raw. Keith tenses in his arms, then relaxes.

“I’m here. I didn’t go anywhere. I’m not planning to go anywhere. I swear.”

Matt doesn’t answer, but buries his head in between Keith’s shoulder and neck. They are quiet for a few moment in which Matt revels in Keith’s warmth, in the rhythmic thumping of his heart that, with every beat, reminds him that he’s alive.

“I love you,” he says an indefinite amount of time later, breaking the cloak of tranquility that had fallen over them both. It’s the first time he’s said it, and it probably isn't the best time, but it rings true.

Keith’s hands stop moving, and then he squeezes, once. He doesn’t say it back, but that’s okay. Matt knows how he feels anyway, and will be glad to wait for him to be ready. Keith’s not going anywhere. He can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> *passes box of tissues* I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading! ❤


End file.
